As I get older, I find it harder and harder to be kind. Grumpy old man’s syndrome, or irritable male syndrome, is a real phenomenon for me. I seem to get angry about the slightest things these days. For example, I get annoyed when I see particular celebrities on TV, even though I don’t know these people. I’ve never met them, but still, they irritate me. I feel the same way about certain football teams, players, or managers I don’t like. I align with a particular political party, and so I hate the opposition. Sometimes it’s a pop group, a song that comes on the radio, or a film star that grates on me. There’s a person in my street that annoys me too, and an old work colleague that I don’t see eye to eye with. Often, these can be strong rivalries, but most often they are small, niggling things that together accumulate in my mind to seriously affect my sense of well-being. 

All human beings are riddled with intense biases like these, and they fill us with prejudice and hate every day. And so I find it especially difficult when I hear people lecturing me to be kinder and nicer to people. I mean, how can I, with all of this hatred and anger going on in my head? 

The great prophets throughout human history knew the answer. Study any world religion, investigate any prophet, philosopher or spiritual leader and you learn that their principal message is one of kindness, even in the face of adversity. Jesus taught us to look beyond our own needs and consider the needs and sufferings of others, to feed the hungry, welcome strangers, and visit the sick. Kindness, justice, and fairness are also fundamental aspects of Islam. It emphasises equality and compassion in all personal and societal dealings. And Buddha said: “Kindness should become the natural way of life, not the exception.”

I think we need to ask ourselves why this is. I mean, kindness isn’t easy and it doesn’t exactly help us to cope in the dog-eat-dog world. So, why aren’t wise, holy men preaching that we need to be strong to survive? Why aren’t they telling us that people can be cruel and that we need to take care of our own?  Why don’t they teach us how to fend for ourselves and how to fight our enemies? Why don’t they pass on some survival tips? 

The answer, is that it is only by abandoning hate and by being kind and selfless that we can find true peace and contentment. The Prophets knew that. When we remove hatred from our hearts and minds, when we subdue and overcome our prejudices and biases, we become happier and more content. Imagine if I wasn’t carrying all this anger and hate around inside of me. Think of how much happier I would be if I wasn’t so grumpy! This is one of the great mysteries of life and for me, it is why many people not only believe in God, but why they come to believe that God is a force for good. Hate makes us unhappy, kindness brings us joy. How incredible is that? It seems to be hard wired into us and there’s no clear reason why this is. 

Being kind however, does not mean we have to be stupid. Kindness doesn’t imply that you have to allow people to mistreat you, or take advantage of you, or put up with abuse. Being kind doesn’t mean you have to be other people’s emotional punchbag or let them treat you badly. It requires incredible self-control, inner strength, and resilience to resist such external negativity, but it can be done with tender but firm opposition. It is never about responding in a like fashion. ‘An eye for an eye, and the whole world goes blind,’ as Mahatma Gandhi said. 

And so, this is my new goal in life. To stop all of my negative forms of thinking, to shut down my biases, and prevent anger from taking hold of me. I want to change my harsh thoughts into more gentle ones, to try to understand people with opposing points of view, and be more accepting. I’m not doing this for their benefit or to become more saintly, only to become less of a grumpy old man and more of a happy, easy-going guy who is enjoying life and who is nice to be around. It is work in progress.