‘Tonight, we bring you a special report on the mysterious phenomena known as sea pyramids – the strange, glowing triangular prisms that have washed up on the beaches of Japan and the Philippines in recent months. 

‘Professor Richard Binks, a molecular biologist from Standford University, said today that they are unlike anything ever found on earth before. Speaking from his laboratory in California, he said his team, who have been examining samples of the prisms, have made some incredible discoveries. Firstly, he said, they are the first non-carbon based life forms ever found. All life on earth is made up of carbon-based, self-producing cellular organisms that have DNA as their genome; but Professor Binks says, the sea pyramids are not DNA based life forms. Instead, he says, they are a kind of single-celled organism with no obvious means of reproduction. 

“We know they have grown from a smaller stage, by markings on the interior layers of their fleshy, transparent, outer casing, but beyond that we have no idea how they develop or reproduce. The interior of the ‘pyramids’ are essentially a foamy liquid, composed of silicon molecules, but microscopic analysis has failed to find any evidence of sexual reproduction. How they grow, where they originated from, we simply have no idea. The outer ‘flesh’ is also silicon-based, but is a tougher, denser structure than the interior liquid. The inner liquid also contains luciferin, which accounts for their glowing bioluminescence. Other than that, I cannot tell you a great deal about what they are or where they come from. My best guess is they are produced by an unknown parent organism, as pearls are in an oyster.’

‘Adding to the mystery of the objects is where they were found. This area of the Pacific Ocean is close to the Mariana Trench, one of the deepest holes in the earth’s surface; adding to speculation that they are formed in the ‘belly of the earth,’ as oceanographer Jacqueline Fawcett said on her Tik Tok account yesterday. 

Some however, are claiming they are alien artefacts, remnants from a civilisation that founded the Ancient Egyptian pyramids several millennia ago. 

But, somewhat controversially, renowned biologist David Dupree claimed that they are just an elaborate hoax. Speaking on YouTube, Dupree said: “there’s no evidence these are biological organisms. You could just as easily make them in a workshop and drop them in the ocean. They’re just a modern take on crop circles. I’m not convinced they are anything other than the work of talented students with time on their hands. Adding to my doubts is the fact that a triangular prism is simply not an efficient shape for an ocean-based organism to produce. Pearls are pearl-shaped for a reason.” 

Whatever the source of these strange, ethereal organisms, it fair to say they have become incredibly valuable, with good specimens changing hands for up to $50,000. If they are man-made, they are becoming highly profitable, which has led to crowds of beachcombers all over areas of South East Asia. 

A final word on the sea pyramids comes from Indian mystic Swami Prakash. Speaking today from his temple in West Bengal, he said: ‘We do not know how they got here, where they came from, what their purpose is or why they are here. What we do know is that the probability of them existing by chance are remote. Just as with the universe, they must have been made by something capable of making them. And, we can tell a lot about the nature of their creator by the nature of the things themselves. The sea pyramids represent a new and unique life form that transcends anything previously found on earth. We have been given a beautiful gift that we need to treasure and care for. We must not destroy them or exploit them for profit, nor use them as a lab experiment. We have to watch and observe, but not harvest them like they belong to us, to do with as we please, as we have done already with so much of the planet’s natural resources.’

‘Whatever the sea pyramids are, it’s certain they represent a whole new chapter in the evolution of humanity, and, despite the Swami’s warnings, their value will only increase as interest in them grows. I’m Sarah Goodfellow. You’ve been watching CBA news international. Goodnight.’

An ethereal hand waved aggressively towards the spherical portal that displayed the earthly news broadcast. It immediately vanished. 

‘Yet another trial your beloved humans have failed,’ a booming voice said irritatedly. ‘Honestly, I don’t know what you see in them.’

‘Myself.’

‘Touché. But seriously, why do you bother?’

‘I have faith in them. One day they will come good. You’ll see.’ 

‘You’ve been waiting for the longest time and still no results. Maybe it’s time to turn your attention elsewhere. I hear Canis Major has some promising new life forms.’

‘It’s not the same. You’ve never supported a bad football team have you?’

‘Excuse me?’

‘Most people support the good teams. You know, the ones that keep winning. But when you’re fully invested in the little team, the one that keeps losing every week, you can’t give up on them. It doesn’t matter how bad it gets, you keep showing up week after week, just hoping and hoping.’

‘Sounds like punishment to me.’

‘I guess it is, in a way. But you live for that moment, that one moment that makes it all worthwhile.’ 

‘You’re off your head. Well, it’s your funeral. Anyway, what do those sea thingies do?’

‘If they’d only cooperated, they would have discovered that the prisms join together to create a vast energy source. However, I doubt they will realise that now.’

‘Now that humans have exploited them for their own gain.’

‘Yes.’

‘Ah well. Don’t fret about it. Speaking of exploitation, I hear they’ve made a new series of Britain’s Got Talent. Want to watch it with me? Those Brits are crazy.’

‘I thought you didn’t like humans?’

‘I didn’t say that. I just don’t share your eternal optimism in them. We should never have wiped the dinosaurs out. They had real potential.’

‘I told you. You got the design wrong. It was all in the opposable thumbs.’

‘Whatever. Just remember what you told me back then – you have to know when to admit you made a mistake and start again.’

There was a big sigh. 

‘I know, I know, you’re right. Just one more chance, ok?’