What I need to let go of, or at least regulate, is my emotions. I’ve suffered with emotional dysregulation my whole life and it can be extremely difficult, both for me, and those around me. I was diagnosed with ADHD late in life, and so at least I know it isn’t me just making stuff up. As a child I was labelled a brat, a whiner, moody, or petulant. It is a label that has stuck with me for sixty years. I carried it like a rucksack full of rocks on my back. I’ve had no help, no understanding, and certainly no support. My ADHD gives me hyper-sensitive emotions.

I can upset by news articles, tv shows, noise, people, the cat, dogs barking, anything and everything. It is hard to find comfort, difficult to find peace and almost impossible to find harmony. The emotions rage in my head like a thousand nails scraping down a blackboard on a demented loop. I’ve tried therapy. I’ve meditated. I’ve devoted time in each day to solitude and quiet. These things help, but they don’t cure it. I’m told I lack self-governance. I’m not strong enough, I need to discipline my mind. I’m told I can find harmony with greater effort, if I apply more focus. Again, it’s my fault. People don’t seem to realise that this isn’t simply a case of willpower, it’s an illness. They aren’t helping, they are simply adding to my burden, giving me more rocks in my rucksack.