I want to start off by thanking you for everything you gave me. I cannot put into words how grateful I am for everything you did for me. I look back on my childhood with enormous respect for you; the sacrifices you made for us, the hard work you did to keep us clothed, fed and with a roof over our heads. We had a good home, lovely toys, and all the luxuries we needed, even if by modern standards that would seem quite poor. So thank you. You raised us well.

My first question is to my Dad. How did your own childhood affect you as a father?

We were really poor. There were thirteen kids in our house. There was a war on and barely enough money to feed us, let alone clothe us. My Dad was a bit of a waster and gambler, and he often squandered the housekeeping money. I vowed when I grew up I would not be like that. I believed in hard work and that’s what I did. I know I wasn’t there for my kids growing up, because I worked away from home so much. I regret that, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. 

Not having a father around was difficult when I was growing up. Especially when, on the few times you did come home, you were always drunk.

Work hard. Live hard. That was my motto. 

You said and did some horrible things to me when I was a teenager. 

I’m sorry son. All I can say is that those were very different times to the ones you’re living in. It was a man’s world back then. 

Well, it’s all in the past now. I do want to thank you for giving me a wonderful singing voice. What with your Irish roots, and my Grandad’s Welsh roots, I was blessed with a fine voice. I only wish I could have done more with it professionally. I don’t sing much these days.

Never stop singing son. It is in your blood.

I think I wanted your validation so much growing up, but never got it.

I wasn’t much good at saying I love you. Men didn’t talk like that in those days, but I was so proud of you when you worked away with me. 

Do you have any regrets about your life? After all, you died quite young. Do you wish you’d lived longer? 

(Laughing.) Ah son, what’s the point of living with regrets? It’s ok. No problem! 

I’d like to ask the same question to my Mam now. How did your childhood affect your parenting skills?

Same as your Dad really, but maybe we weren’t as poor as them. My Dad was a lovely, kind, hard-working man and a good father. He was very quiet natured, but I liked that in him. My Mother was a very dominant woman. She was always demanding, selfish and opinionated. It was hard growing up in her shadow and I didn’t like her at times. She always wanted to be in my life, taking over, bossing me around. She even moved right next door to us when we got our first council house. Your Dad was furious. He didn’t like her much either. It was one of the reasons he went away to work. But to answer your question, I didn’t know how to show my emotions and so I found it hard to be nurturing with my kids. As long as they were fed and clothed, that was enough for me. I know that was wrong.

You were so strict with us. And so cold. You never showed us any affection.

I know. I don’t know why I was like that.

As much as it badly affected me not receiving affection, I admired you in many ways. You always fought passionately for your beliefs. You had little education, yet you were determined your kids would be able to read and write well. You always took us to the library and gave us books, that was an amazing lifelong gift. Thank you so much for that. 

My own schooling was badly affected by my ill health, and I missed out on a lot, so I wanted you all to read. You were all so clever when you were kids. I couldn’t keep up with you all. It made me feel quite stupid. 

Do you wish you’d done anything differently, as a parent? 

I did everything I could. I worked hard all my life. My husband was never there for me, he was a drinker, and I had to raise four kids on my own, on whatever he gave me. I knew he was doing what men do, but he always came home to me. I was going to leave him once, but he broke down in tears. I knew he loved me. I stayed by him because of my kids. You would have all turned out very differently if I’d left him. Besides, I had my own life in my later years.

I hated you for the longest time. It was only after I’d left home and became a father that I got to know you better. You changed so much. You became such a nice person and we got on really well. I used to love our times together. 

After the menopause my moods and emotions settled down. I’d had the hardest time before then. But yes, I loved our times too. I always looked forward to you coming around. You are a lovely lad.

I should have been there that day. The day you fell. It was my turn to come and visit, but I didn’t want to do the long drive down.

It’s ok son. It was what was meant to be.

I’m not going to lie and say my childhood was perfect, but I know that you both raised me in the best way you could. We were so lucky to live in a brand new council house and have our grandparents living next door. I have lots of imperfections, lots of issues and shed load of baggage, but I don’t carry any blame or anger towards you. I love you both with all my heart and hope that one day I’ll be reunited with you again. 

We’ll be waiting son.

Love Paul x