“The sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” Carl Jung

For me, one of the hardest aspects of having ADHD is emotional dysregulation. I’ve struggled to manage my emotions my whole life. To make matters worse, when I was little, I suffered from emotional neglect and trauma. It had a profound, detrimental effect on me. As a child, I displayed symptoms of having significant mental health issues, but they were ignored. This was the 60s after all. Instead, I was labelled a moaning brat, moody, sulky, petulant; you name it, I’ve been called it. It was a label that stuck to me inside as well as out. I believed my emotional dysregulation was all my fault. I still do. It feels like I am destined to repeat these same failings: I suffer emotional fallout, I calm myself, I fail, and so the machinations of guilt and self-blame go on and on. I am the ouroboros. The snake that eats itself into infinity. The tail of the snake is my early childhood; the years we are all unable to remember through childhood amnesia. The head of the snake is my psyche, my ADHD, my OCD; my bundle of psychological complexes, as Jung called them, and it is feeding on my childhood traumas. My hope, my salvation, my light in the darkness, is my art, my writing, my love for those around me, and the love I receive in return. They aren’t enough to vanquish the demons in the snake completely, but they send them into the shadows. At least for now. Sometimes, that’s the best we can hope for.