The habit I do that improves the quality of my life is to employ the strategy of surfing, sinking, swimming. It is a technique I used to use to train teachers and leaders in schools to help them to recognise their current position and to make positive changes in their role. However, I’ve found it very effective for life in general. It helps me think clearly, avoid blame and shame, and take the right steps for effective change. I highlight three states of being: 

Surfing: has a clear mind, copes with pressure, is a positive influence, is in control, feels calm.

Swimming: defensive, functions but complains, cannot assert oneself effectively, has had some good impact but it is not consistent.

Sinking: struggling to cope, unable to think clearly, feels like a victim, feels trapped and disconnected, emotionally distraught.

Life is like water. Sometimes it’s a mighty ocean, other times a flowing river. We are floating in the water. Sometimes we are surfing the top of the waves; confident, strong, in control. Other times we are simply swimming. We get by, fighting the current, coping but complaining. And then there are times we aren’t doing well at all. We feel like we are sinking, struggling, trapped and disconnected. The trick is not to fight it, not to panic and think you’re drowning; or even surfing for that matter. We have to learn to let the water flow, to allow it to do its thing, and not panic or fall into despair. Wait long enough and the tide will change. If we feel we’re sinking, it’s good to take small, positive steps to get ourselves to the surface. Panicking, blaming ourselves, or feeling guilty, is the worst thing we can do. We try to accept where we are, allow it to wash over us, and make the right strokes in order to move on.

I feel like I’m swimming and sinking intermittently right now. It has been this way for a couple of years. But I know if I keep making small gains, and taking tiny, positive steps, I will eventually feel like I’m surfing again.