Many years ago, when I was a young man, I visited my Dad, who lay dying in a hospital bed. “Make sure you enjoy your life,” he said. “I’ve had such a good life. The things I’ve done, the places I’ve been to, the friends I’ve known. They were all superb. Don’t get to my age full of regrets. Don’t let fear stop you from living life to the full.”

It was of course, very emotional and quite profound. It had an incredible impact on me. Not least of all because I was really angry about what he’d said. Yes, he lived a full life, but it was a selfish life. All he ever considered was his needs, his pleasure, his enjoyment. As a father, as a husband, he was never there. I didn’t know him, he certainly had no input into my upbringing, and I suffered emotionally because of this.

I see similar patterns in so-called adventurers. They are determined to get everything ‘done’ before they leave this world. They go on exotic holidays, take trips to concerts and festivals, try to complete a bucket list of things they want to do. Others are fitness fanatics. They go to the gym, work out, lift weights, run, eat a strict diet. All in a bid to preserve life and live life ‘to the max’. It’s all about them, them, them. The self, the ego, the Id. Desperately trying to find pleasure, fulfilment and satisfaction in Hedonistic pursuits.

We can find pleasure and fulfilment other ways too though, and they bring deeper satisfaction. Connecting with others, and considering needs outside of ourselves in the world beyond us, is extremely satisfying. If we put our own needs to one side and give ourselves to other causes, we can find a different kind of enjoyment that is more beneficial to us. Being distracted from our own thoughts and pursuits, into the needs of others is very worthwhile. Also, when we meditate, and clear our mind of anxiety, it becomes richer and more focussed. We see that all of these cravings and obsessions are really just manifestations of our fears. When we become absorbed by them, they take over. We become experience junkies, desperately looking for our next fulfilling fix, without ever finding true satisfaction. True fulfilment is within us already. We just have to look for it.

So, it’s definitely security for me. I’m not an adventurous person these days. I’m happiest when I’m at home, pottering around the house and garden, watching my plants grow. I still think of my Dad’s message to me, all them years ago and I think: ‘I don’t have any regrets. I’ve enjoyed devoting myself to my family. I’ve watched my children grow and given everything I had to give to them. I’ve been a loving husband and I’ve tried so hard to be a kind, fair, decent and virtuous person. My pleasure wasn’t found in a bar, at the bottom of a glass, or in the arms of another woman like you Dad. It wasn’t found at the top of a mountain, or in a far away place. It was found right here, in the home I built for myself and the people I devoted myself to. In this way, I can say I have lived my life to the full.’