Phobias have been a constant ‘associate’ of mine throughout my life. They have sometimes been so crippling that I have been unable to work and my relationships have certainly suffered. Breakdowns and traumas are so disabling, so all encompassing, it isn’t simply a case of ‘facing’ them, or overcoming them. You need professional support.

Over the years, I have had lots of treatments and therapies, some good, some not so good. It’s true to say however, that fear, anxiety and overwhelming phobias have dogged me throughout my life. 

Quitting alcohol was one of the best things I did to overcome my phobias. I’ve been dry for ten years now and my mental health improved massively when I did. When you’re drinking, you think you can’t go a day without it. You tell yourself it helps, but it doesn’t. It is all just part of the addiction.

I have had lots of good therapists, the best of which were CBT specialists, who analysed and identified my negative patterns of thinking, then gave me coping mechanisms and strategies to deal with them. One of the best of these is distraction. Distraction just means that when the fear strikes, you keep yourself busy doing tasks that occupy your mind with something more positive than the negative thoughts. In intense situations, you might recite the Kings and Queens of the UK, Presidents, Prime Ministers, capital cities of countries, or even Love Island winners. The subject doesn’t matter. It takes your mind to another place.

Funnily enough, my favourite distraction is not art, it is writing. I can do art so easily, that I can ruminate negative thoughts while still doing a sublime drawing or painting. For me, writing is a completely absorbing and engaging mental activity that I enjoy. You have to find your own best distraction.

However, what no therapist did, was to sit me down and go through my life, to find out what my stressors were. This is so important to do. When I did that, I realised that my main problem was in working too hard, too long. I wasn’t giving myself enough time to switch off and relax. I was a workaholic, burning the candle at both ends, and without proper rest, my mind simply became overwhelmed and ‘snapped’. I burned out. It’s so important that you learn to relax. I find it the hardest thing to do because I have ADHD and I’m compulsive. I’m always on the go, either mentally or physically and it isn’t good for me. 

My final piece of advice is to not listen to your fears. They aren’t real, they are simply your brains way of protecting itself from further trauma. If you hold onto your fears, and believe them, you are giving them power. The more you try to rationalise them, or figure them out, or reason with them, the longer they will continue. Of course, if the actual threat is still ongoing then that needs more serious intervention. For the rest of us, it means shutting them out and not listening to them, which is easier said than done.

If you are suffering with fear, phobias or anxiety, I hope my advice helps. It is a painful and difficult road to walk. I wish you well.